Her Royal Poodleness, Princess Poppet the 1st would like to take the opportunity to wish her faithful and obedient human subjects health and vigor for 2015. Here follows her Royal proclamations
1. Her Royal Fuzziness would like it to be known that she will now no longer be considered as one of the floor dogs.
2. More tributes of sausages will be given.
3. Cino and Teaser are not to collect tributes as they have proved themselves to be treacherous and untrustworthy.
4. The current sleeping arrangements are unsatisfactory and from hereforth Princess Poppet the 1st shall sleep in the sofa and Cino and Teaser shall be moved into the box. If space proves to be an issue, they shall be fed less until they fit.
All the toys shall continue to be the property of Princess Poppet the 1st, failure to recognise this fact shall be punishable by Her Royal Fuzziness.
That is all
Her Royal Poodlyness, Princess Poppet the 1st would like to extend wishes of good health and prosperity to all her loyal 2leg, 3leg and 4leg subjects. Here follows the royal proclamation….
1. Her Royal Fuzziness was gratified to finally be given her rightful place as a front seat dog although the 2legs have continued to place her in the co pilot’s chair and so not always been reliable in arriving at the desired destination. This will be rectified.
2. Princess Poppet the 1st will also be receiving CVs (canis valorous) for the position of co pilot as the resident floor dogs are inadequate for such an honoured occupation. Teaser is scruffy and a poor navigator, he appears to completely rely on something he calls the cat nav and so mostly he wants to go through hedges and up into trees. Cino is not very bright and has problems understanding that the road signs for a roundabout do not mean there is a ball on the road so go round and round trying to find it.
3. While Her Royal Cuteness understands that austerity measures mean that times are somewhat hard, she feels that the levels of tributes are still falling short of appropriate. This will be rectified as it would be a terrible shame if people suddenly started finding poops in their shoes wouldn’t it?
4. There should be more toys available for Princess Poppet to steal from the floor dogs in order that they are reminded of her magnificence. All the toys are and will always be the sole property of the Poodle Princess
5. The weather is unacceptable which has led to an unprecedented level of bathing, this must end. Whoever is responsible for the sky hose need to jolly well sort it out or there will be consequences
It is the time when Her Most Royal Fuzzball’s faithful subjects will once again be honoured with furry wisdom and guidance in order to honour and serve their ruler more adequately.
1. Princess Poppet 1st was extremely saddened to discover that ‘Brexit’ was in fact not a new and exciting bikkit. Her Royal Fluffiness is now given to understand that it is actually a process to make it more difficult to meet and acquire new and exciting subjects, this is highly displeasing.
2. The diplomatic visits to the pod place have been most illuminating, they are having a definite and positive effect on the royal household’s two legged subjects. There has been increased volume of steak tributes during this time and Princess Poppet 1st is keen to make it known that this is most pleasing in her sight (and even more pleasing in her mouth) although feels that Durham has been incorrectly positioned and should be relocated to the Cotswolds. It has also been a wonderful opportunity to meet with fellow rulers. Her Royal Friskiness has most notably enjoyed Her time with Queen Fia, Empress Molly and a most interesting delegation known only as ‘Kai and The Shits’ who seem to be some sort of anarcho-syndicalist commune.
3. The floor dogs still fail to observe the appropriate levels of deference, even allowing for their sadly limited intellect and the fact they are both a ‘bit spesh’, and in Teaser’s case strongly resemble a compost heap. Failure to demonstrate improvement will result in sanctions.
4. Bad people continue to trespass in the royal residence without Princess Poppet 1st giving permission. This must cease!
5. Insufficient rabbits……………Get it together people, how hard can it be?
6. Princess Poppet 1st would be most pleased to receive a visit from President Elect Donald Trump’s hair, however the fat shouty man underneath it may stay at home.
7. Her Most Royal Haughtiness has noticed some glaring administration errors in the comings and going of her hooman subjects, clearly it is not desirable to dismiss David Bowie, George Michael and Carrie Fisher while keeping Nigel Farrage, Peter Mandelson and Jeremy Clarkson. No more of these errors shall be tolerated.
8. Princess Poppet 1st wishes her loyal subjects a prosperous and most excellent year
Princess Poppet Rocket I 2018 Proclaimations to Her people
It has been an interesting year and while improvements have undoubtedly taken place, Her Royal Stinkiness has graciously agreed to once again enlighten her subjects with the Royal Wisdom.
The visits to the pod place continue to inspire a positive improvement in the behaviour of the household two-legs. This is most pleasing to Her Esteemed Fluffiness although she noted that her command that Durham be relocated to the Cotswolds for ease of access has not yet been actioned. The discovery of Unit 13 is a very welcome one as this has led to a much needed increase in food tributes without the floor dogs around to spoil things. HRP is not clear what has led the two legs to develop this obsession for teabags and why, if they like them so much, they keep losing them.
It has come to the attention of Her Royal Poodliness that whoever is responsible for the sky taps has been not doing a very good job, this has led to an unwanted frequency of extra baths. This will not be allowed to continue
HRP Princess Poppet I will not be issuing an invitation for a state visit to Donald Trump’s hair as it appears that the fat shouty man underneath it would be its plus 1
During the last 12 months HRP Princess Poppet I has generously been adding body mass in order that there shall be more of her for her subjects to adore. It is undesirable that Cino and Teaser, the floor dogs, should emulate their betters in this regard as they take up too much room in the Royal chariot as it is.
Her Royal Fuzziness continues to feel displeasure at the repeated talk of Brexit, once it was made clear that it was not, in fact, a new and exciting bikkit it is unclear why it was needed. Resources would be better spent on poodle related matters.
HRP Princess Poppet I is pleased to reveal that she has discovered a new and exciting level in the royal household containing diverse and interesting beds. She is enjoying her daily visits before the two legs get up, although the tallest of the two legs is clearly overawed by the royal visits and sometimes closes the door. Her Royal Fuzziness will be forgiving, as this must be attributed to an oversight but it should be rectified forthwith.
Although the planned remodel of the household gardens was a welcome one, HRF believes that it should have been achieved without allowing oiks to roam the royal residence. Cino revealed himself as an untrustworthy defender as he demonstrated a shameless level of obsequency and general suckyuppyness towards the invaders. It is not clear if he is a defector or merely defective
The re acceptance of the Davie two leg was a slightly prolonged event. HRP had to put in many hours of rigorous training to ensure he achieved the accepted standard of poodle care that is required. Sadly just as this standard was achieved he escaped and now returns only for short periods of time. HRF also observes that although frequently carrying the most enjoyable aroma of beef and chicken this has not translated into food tributes and this must be rectified with immediate effect
The new treat dispensing box in the kitchen is a good thing, HRP notes that there is room for many more of these devices so expects the roll out to commence within weeks.
Her Most Fluffy and Divine Royal Princess wishes all her loyal hoomans a joyous and loving 2018. The year of the dog begins in February so remember to follow the example that this noble and most excellent species offers to you
Sleep, eat and play whenever you can
Be curious and learn
Her Magnificence Princess Poppet Rocket 1st once more has extended a loving and benevolent furry paw towards Her dear friends and loyal subjects, once more generously sharing her thoughts and wishes (that’s orders, for those of you you still do not speak Poodlese) for 2019.
**amendment- the lateness of this publication is entirely due to Her Royal Fluffiness’ undersecretary lazing about all day with a face like a slapped bottom, complaining about feeling ‘a little fragile’. While Her Majesty understands that the underlings must have some enrichment this should not be allowed to interfere with essential royal duties henceforth.
1. Tributes are now reaching an almost acceptable level but Her Royal Fluffiness believes that the quality must always be improved. Roast meats are tasty but with a little imagination We believe that subjects could reach for greater standards.
2. The other resident two legs has been spending time away from the household, Her Royal Fuzziness very much approves of this because he is doubtless recruiting and reinforcing new areas of the Poodle Empire, also because without his overzealous and unwarranted gate keeping, Princess Poppet sleeps in her rightful place in the center of the upstairs bed.
3. Her Royal Highness is very pleased at the addition of The Dog Nose, an annex which has been filled with the most entertaining collection. She very much looks forward to uncovering the persons of the diverse animal species that appear to be also residing there as they regularly leave their scents, but to date, they have eluded Her.
4. Her Royal Furriness was well pleased by the reduction of sky hose activity but the sky fire was left on rather too much. She believes that a better balance should be reached as The Royal Paws don’t appreciate being fried and Teaser is rather ungallant when it comes to sharing the best fan.
5. The two legs are reaching a better understanding of appropriate Royal activity and so it is with pleasure that Her Royal Princess can report a honing of her already magnificent olfactory expertise
6. The floor dogs have a nice new sofa to sleep on, Her Royal Fluffiness likes to watch them enjoying it from her rightful place on top of the two legs.
6. Events in the two leg world appear to be inexplicable, the Royal Wisdom is to ignore all that nonsense and place more energy into canine concerns.
Live in every moment
investigate anything that interests you
forgive and love easily
dont snap when a look will do
walk away from conflict, shake it off and find something better to do
HRP Princess Poppet Rocket 1st wishes to extend blessings to all loyal subjects for 2020 and the new decade. Here follows Her Fluffy Majesty’s Commandments.
1. HRP Princess Poppet 1st feels that Brexit is much easier to understand with a little understanding of resource guarding behaviour. She wishes to point out that the cure for this is increasing availability of resources, not reducing them. All resources actually belong to The Most Royal Poodle anyway so subjects should stop squabbling over them like a bunch of cat people
2, The sky hose was left running for far too long last year, this leads to an increase in unscheduled bathing and is most undesirable. Whichever minion is responsible will be facing a severe poke with the royal paw when identified. It will be recified this year.
3. Her Royal Fuzziness wishes to announce that Cino dog is to be honoured with the new title of Creaky making his full name Creaky Mr Cino and is to be officially recognised as lord of the floor dogs. This is to show Royal thanks for a lifetime of service to the Royal Poodle Person and also to annoy the Teaserdoodle
4. Tributes have finally reached a mostly acceptable level with the addition of unit 50 to Her Royal Pawsomness’ Empire. Because she generously understands that two legs need something to work towards to remain happy, she suggests that steak, scampi, fish and chips are all areas that are underrepresented in tributes so there is still room for improvement.
5. HRP Princess Poppet is very much pleased by the increase in recognition for her superior olfactory brilliance, however she is not sure why the two legs wish to keep finding tea when she is equally good at finding mousies, bunnies and other nice crunchy things.
6. The two legs are finally being honoured with The Royal Princess choosing to sleep on their heads during the dark time. She has been tolerant about their learning curve during this process but if the man friendbeast doesnt settle down soon he will be directed to alternative sleeping quarters.
7. Her Royal Furrybutt wishes all her subjects a healthy, happy and prosperous year.
With woofs, nose pokes and poodle paws
HRP Princess Poppet Rocket 1st
“Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man”
― George Jean Nathan